Thursday, 14 January 2010
Indulgent Personal Note
I have come up onto my roof terrace to write a more personal note.
My wife and I have just moved into our new apartment on Lamma Island. The move was pretty stressful and heralds the end of a mini chapter in my life and the anticipation of another.
The New Year has started for me with quite a sense of emptiness. I feel the light and dark aspects of the void, a sense of freedom on one hand and on the other and more dominantly a lack of purpose and identity. It is funny how one can, I can, forget the bewildering aspects of change after going through so many. Moving house in itself does not seem that dramatic but my change is really to do with my connections to my soul and my connections to the external world and my role in it.
Last year was an intense journey of research and writing some of which I have put up here on this blog as well as Facebook, Mayan Calendar Blog, Reality Activists and my half complete main website not yet published. I have been researching for 18 years or more pretty much full time. The importance of spiritual practice to me is as strong as ever, although of late even that has fallen away a little as I feel the quake of change, a disturbing and humbling reminder of my own insignificance as just one of 6.7 billion people on planet Earth. This sense of being one person lost in the masses contrasts strongly with the deeper education of social, political and economics realities I have been absorbing. That further refinement of my big picture view has felt like a special insight, a rare privileged position that not many have the time to pursue. Not that this makes me feel unique or powerful for I fully appreciate that the unselfish service that many people give in their lives is perhaps of the greatest value. My own self centred quest in comparison can seem to be a journey of the fool, I am thinking of the Tarot card as I write this.
Regardless to that, I am compelled to walk forward on a path that seems to be heading nowhere in terms of financial reward or any kind of security. The further I open my consciousness and integrate more paradigms of endeavour the further I seem to move away from the market place.
The realization I have of just how much the company of spirits is involved with the theatre of the world has really knocked down a wall of comfort. The shadow of global politics and its inadvertent relationship with hidden semi robotic entities is rather sobering and not an easy subject to broach and keep in context within the overarching benevolent light that is life.
The answer for me lies in faith, the faith and subsequent peace of mind that I will continue to enjoy my truly abundant physical life, so as to be able to have the peace of mind to concentrate on writing. I need to present my ideas in a more structured form, a book maybe then have the faith that enough people will actually want to read it. Who is my audience?
This is tricky as the integral movement shies away from astrology and the truly wild tricksters elements of life that is the ground of being for shamanism. The astrological and new age communities shy away from the paradoxical and complex developmental picture.
The more popular approach understandably is one of simplicity, a simplicity that to me at least is either transcendental or a cliché of saccharine sentiments. Obviously it is not the world that is at fault it is my discordance that is causing me to feel such a pain of disconnection. I am theoretically biting off more than I can chew, but chomp I must.
I am passionate about seeing the largest possible view of global dynamics, that might be arrogant…..oh well chomp chomp chomp
The moments of clarity I am having in the clear light of no information stream, assure me all is well in my life and in the world.
I just wonder if a ground shaking change is coming to the world in this next decade my research suggests it, maybe, but that is coloured by own needs for either the world to change or a new portal to open up for me within the world as it is where I will find a more secure role.
I write and publish this admittedly indulgent piece, mainly for myself to release or speed up the release of the inertia I am feeling in this desert. Life is change and information, as Bill Gates says, has the shelf life of a banana… so tomorrow this will be virtual fish and chips wrapping…..hoooo-bloody-ra.